random musings...incoherent ramblings...
Sitting hunched in front of the computer right now, dressed in a shockingly weird attire that consists of my lumun t-shirt and the green shalwar I was wearing this morning, accompanied by a beat-up old sweater and a shawl wrapped around my head and a hot water bottle in my lap (for anyone who’s wondering…no, this is NOT my everyday wear; such fancies are reserved for special occasions only! :P) I’m wondering in utter confusion what compelled me to say all that glorious stuff about winters and its mornings just the other day!!? I mean, what on earth was I thinking?! It is that same oh-so beautiful chill that has bestowed me with this oh-so desirable flu…not to mention the splitting headache, inability to breathe and stinging throat that constitute the complimentary part of the package!
Thanks to this pathetic plight of mine caused so mercilessly by the weather, I managed to accomplish a new feat yesterday - I royally messed up three ENTIRE quizzes… within a span of 6 short hours, to be precise! Commendable effort, if I may allow myself to say so! Oh alright, I’ll admit I’m looking for illogical excuses to indulge myself in self-pity…the 3-quiz catastrophe was caused by a simple mixture of brain malfunction, lack of preparation and sheer blindness when attempting the questions! *shudder* That sure was painful acceptance. But to my credit, the economics quiz was one which I had ACTUALLY studied for…quite a bit, in fact, so it was honestly a touch disappointing.
Oh well, who really cares – filhaal, I have a mid coming up in less than 48 hours so I should be focusing my energy and mind (whatever’s left of it, at least, after the thrashing it’s been enduring at the hands of four brutal courses and a sickening flu!) on all the possible ways of screwing that up! Now THAT’S what I call meticulous utilisation of precious time, right?!
Anyway, what I’ve been blabbering on about for the last few minutes isn’t even remotely connected to anything that’s really on my mind tonight. What is actually bothering me is nothing that can be explained or expressed. What plagues me is a mixture of fear and guilt…what of, they ask? I don’t really know myself. I wish I did though. This constant worry, this incessant anguish is uncalled for. It is troublesome yet strangely comforting. I feel confused about so much, yet I cannot search for answers. Tonight, I have little hopes and dreams… I know they will not last, yet I hang on to them. I don’t know what is happening. I don’t know what is about to happen. I don’t know what it is that I am waiting for, but I know it is something…and here, alone, I wait…scared but outwardly indifferent, thrilled but curiously detached, deserted but hauntingly calm…when the time comes, I will know…
Thanks to this pathetic plight of mine caused so mercilessly by the weather, I managed to accomplish a new feat yesterday - I royally messed up three ENTIRE quizzes… within a span of 6 short hours, to be precise! Commendable effort, if I may allow myself to say so! Oh alright, I’ll admit I’m looking for illogical excuses to indulge myself in self-pity…the 3-quiz catastrophe was caused by a simple mixture of brain malfunction, lack of preparation and sheer blindness when attempting the questions! *shudder* That sure was painful acceptance. But to my credit, the economics quiz was one which I had ACTUALLY studied for…quite a bit, in fact, so it was honestly a touch disappointing.
Oh well, who really cares – filhaal, I have a mid coming up in less than 48 hours so I should be focusing my energy and mind (whatever’s left of it, at least, after the thrashing it’s been enduring at the hands of four brutal courses and a sickening flu!) on all the possible ways of screwing that up! Now THAT’S what I call meticulous utilisation of precious time, right?!
Anyway, what I’ve been blabbering on about for the last few minutes isn’t even remotely connected to anything that’s really on my mind tonight. What is actually bothering me is nothing that can be explained or expressed. What plagues me is a mixture of fear and guilt…what of, they ask? I don’t really know myself. I wish I did though. This constant worry, this incessant anguish is uncalled for. It is troublesome yet strangely comforting. I feel confused about so much, yet I cannot search for answers. Tonight, I have little hopes and dreams… I know they will not last, yet I hang on to them. I don’t know what is happening. I don’t know what is about to happen. I don’t know what it is that I am waiting for, but I know it is something…and here, alone, I wait…scared but outwardly indifferent, thrilled but curiously detached, deserted but hauntingly calm…when the time comes, I will know…
posted by deranged_lunatic at 12:50 AM
3 Comments:
impressive!! dont worry the flu would go away and by the way u never told me about this flu of urs as i was chattin wid u for the past an hour or so. as far as quizess r cocerned, don't worry chill yaar. and now about the whole post, its funny and lighter than ur last one. nice change of tone on the whole. good job yaar.
believe me ive gone thru and just recovered from the get a fever and we'll provide a sore swollen throat and a stuffy nose for freee pacakge
totaally sympathise with u!!
tremendous writing style, kid. you have a career set out for you as a writer. keep at it.
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