disillusioned
My heart is unbearably heavy, and I'm not sure why. I just want to fall into someone's arms and cry. Let go of reason. Escape from reality. Until I know I can face everything again.
At times like this I feel guilty. And thankless. My life is perfect. Happy family, good university...all the important stuff. I have no right to complain. No right at all. I should thank God for every little blessing a million times a day, and even that wouldn't be enough. I know and yet I want to cry. For being a shallow person, for being ungrateful. I don't have the courage to change myself, to accept things as they are...to learn to live knowing that you can't have everything you want. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm uncontrollably crazy and hyper and, at the same time, I'm in mourning. My soul laments and cries in misery, while I talk and gossip and laugh on the outside.
Does that make me double-faced? Am I a hypocrite? Does that mean I'm self-obsessed? Or, maybe, do I just need a friend in my life...?
At times like this I feel guilty. And thankless. My life is perfect. Happy family, good university...all the important stuff. I have no right to complain. No right at all. I should thank God for every little blessing a million times a day, and even that wouldn't be enough. I know and yet I want to cry. For being a shallow person, for being ungrateful. I don't have the courage to change myself, to accept things as they are...to learn to live knowing that you can't have everything you want. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm uncontrollably crazy and hyper and, at the same time, I'm in mourning. My soul laments and cries in misery, while I talk and gossip and laugh on the outside.
Does that make me double-faced? Am I a hypocrite? Does that mean I'm self-obsessed? Or, maybe, do I just need a friend in my life...?
posted by deranged_lunatic at 8:35 PM
9 Comments:
Somehow I can always relate to what you write. Pata nahin kyun.
Anyhow, people are still blogging less than they used, but yesh those who left are slowly coming back. Glad I be too :D
Yay for a new post!!!
so glad to have you back, and i know what you mean about blogspot feeling empty. Damn all the fools who have done this to us. Please put up a dont block the blog banner on your blog and urge other friends to do the same too.
hellleww..yes we all be back..
Rabia malik...i miss our tlks..lol
Jee nahin people never change. They just choose to put up a different face, conciously or unconciously.
the last option is the most valid rabia!!
you do...we all do...sometimes bonds just wither away...sometimes we are painfully reminded that we need love from a foreign source...sometimes we just need to let go...sometimes we need to talk to a stranger...and walk hand in hand with an old man...sometimes we need to feel the rain pouring on us...sometimes we need to be close...really close to nature...and sometimes we need to barge in and be tended to like a princess...
that my friend is life...
and yeah i did call you one...
take care...
Yes rabia malik...
i realize tht theres a difference but u see thankz to orkut both terms have become synonymous...as i just told u on MSN
lol
Very pretty site! Keep working. thnx!
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