Untitled
Hot tears coursing down frozen cheeks, unashamed and unstoppable. Their raison d'être remains an unyielding mystery, yet it doesn't mean that they cease to be for a long, long time. When it ends, I am as miserable as I was. The hostile truth that hurt no longer flows away, diluted within the rivulets of tears is painful to accept....
this weekend has been torturingly wretched; for some reason, I still don't want it to end. Anything to keep me away from the 'usual' life.
I don't remember very specifically how things were when last year kicked in, but I think (or like to perhaps!) that I started the year on a high. 365 days later that is as far from the present truth as is possible. This new year has marked an all new low note, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. Sometimes the inexplicable loneliness and helplessness - and friendlessness -seem almost too difficult to bear, and I wish I could somehow find my way out....
Somewhere during the last year I even went through a horrific 'I don't want to go to LUMS' phase. I never tried explaining the reasons to anyone, simply because I already knew that no one could possibly relate or understand. Except for one person. Except for my only friend.
Ammar always knew and, surprisingly, he never made fun of me even once. Throughout that period of inexplicable fear, bordering on irrationality at times I must admit, the support and understanding never wavered. Unspoken promises were made. Countless assurances. Invaluable reassurances. Repeated conversations that would take the same course...he'd say that university-life was amazing, the best time of one's life. I'd always laugh in response and argue, 'naheeeen bhai, it won't be all that great and uncomplicated! I know I'll hate it!' Aagey se, he'd just smile and say, 'no, I know better than you little sister! I promise I'll make it all special for you...I've told you na I'll be there to make all the scary times bearable and fun. Tum aao tu sahi, phir khud hee dekh lena!' Bus, he'd say that and I would be assured.
...so far, as far as fulfilling all those one-time promises is concerned, he's done a simply remarkable and exemplary job...
this weekend has been torturingly wretched; for some reason, I still don't want it to end. Anything to keep me away from the 'usual' life.
I don't remember very specifically how things were when last year kicked in, but I think (or like to perhaps!) that I started the year on a high. 365 days later that is as far from the present truth as is possible. This new year has marked an all new low note, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. Sometimes the inexplicable loneliness and helplessness - and friendlessness -seem almost too difficult to bear, and I wish I could somehow find my way out....
Somewhere during the last year I even went through a horrific 'I don't want to go to LUMS' phase. I never tried explaining the reasons to anyone, simply because I already knew that no one could possibly relate or understand. Except for one person. Except for my only friend.
Ammar always knew and, surprisingly, he never made fun of me even once. Throughout that period of inexplicable fear, bordering on irrationality at times I must admit, the support and understanding never wavered. Unspoken promises were made. Countless assurances. Invaluable reassurances. Repeated conversations that would take the same course...he'd say that university-life was amazing, the best time of one's life. I'd always laugh in response and argue, 'naheeeen bhai, it won't be all that great and uncomplicated! I know I'll hate it!' Aagey se, he'd just smile and say, 'no, I know better than you little sister! I promise I'll make it all special for you...I've told you na I'll be there to make all the scary times bearable and fun. Tum aao tu sahi, phir khud hee dekh lena!' Bus, he'd say that and I would be assured.
...so far, as far as fulfilling all those one-time promises is concerned, he's done a simply remarkable and exemplary job...
posted by deranged_lunatic at 9:09 PM
12 Comments:
You tend to keep passing everyday... after a while the monotony almost become intoxicating. so relax.. hehe... and well thanks for the msg! keep praying! :)
ps do i know ammar?
haha thats fine... and nopes no luck yet... it takes time... opportunities are few and i keep wasting them :S... so will wait until my next chance... wouldnt this be better if we do this on msn... hehe... add me saad_1986@hotmail.com!
hmm...so u decided to come out huh>????
im in schoool right now n since u had told me to log in...i decided to check it out!!
i just hope tht tlk on msn helped thorha saaa
feel ebtter!!
yaar
i didnt get these facts frmm anywhere..
just random things floating around in my head....thru the miracle of hearing..lol
and i jsut decided to compile them
AND YES I HAVE READ THT ASS'S BIOGRAPHY
ugghh
thts where i got hte wholeee Mother-in-law thing frm..
blahhhH!!!!!!
oh yaa and a few of hte facts were frmm random newpaper articles ive read overrr a couple of yrs!!
oh ya...n i took tht colour test n im Black!!
lol
can u plz update sooonn
i ahte opening ur blog and seeing this post...it makes me saddd....
!!
i m speechless, comment-less
you be writing from the heart
and that hurts more than a knife:(
virtual hugs(?)yes!
duddieee
i dnt even knw u
hahhaha
lol
ofcourse i do
lol
hhahahahaha
im going cray
woooooo
hey, I didnt read this post yet..but came by to see whats new. BRB :-)
dudeiiiieee
I WIHS U WERE HTERE WID US...SO THT U COULDVE SUFFERED THE TORMENT
N TORTURE!
can't say much about this except that at least you still have good memories to cherish and maybe this is one of those memories which u can hold onto as long as u r in lums.hopefully u r having fun in university
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