the right answer

Khurram Uncle arrived late last night. Abbu picked him up from the railway station and brought him home around 10:30pm or so. I didn't get much of a chance to talk to him because I was hopelessly engrossed in 'Kartography' which I had made the mistake of starting just a few minutes before he came; I slept early too. I really hope I get to talk to him for a while tonight, or tomorrow morning. He's one of those very rare adults who make you feel like an equal when they talk to you. That's one of the things I really love about him because, other than my parents, hardly any grown-up makes me feel as if they're truly 'listening' to or giving any serious thought to whatever I'm saying. Last time I met him was in Pindi, a couple of months ago. As always, he asked me what major I was inclined towards and, as always, I smiled and candidly said, "I'm not really sure yet." Those five simple words signified my genuine confusion, yet saying them in front of him did not fill me with the usual dread...whenever any grown-up asks me this question (and they often do!) I can already hear the disapproving lilt in their speech which'll soon creep into the following conversation; it never fails!

If I say I haven't decided yet, there follows an indirect lecture on how I'm wasting precious time by being so indecisive. Sometimes, if I dare to elaborate my answer in a nervous attempt to prove that I do at least give the matter serious thought often, worse fate follows! Upon hearing that a major in Social Sciences is something that I am genuinely considering because the subjects invovled deeply interest me, a response is elicited that can not veil the horror in the eyes of my listener. The shame of knowing a youngster who claims to not know, or care much, about her future job prospects ('I don't know what specific sort of job I'll get, but I'm sure there'll be something!') is obvious even if it is not specifically stated. Similarly, the option of majoring in Maths is immediately scorned, and often not even taken seriously enough to invoke a proper response; the grown-up involved usually believes that such an idea is mere folly, and I'll gain my senses myself soon enough. The one answer that receives some appreciation seems to be the probable concept of a major in Economics, but even here there are obstinate differences between the two views. The only reason I would choose this major would be because it is a subject that genuinely interests me... the curiousity that arises and then the satisfaction that I often feel after understanding some previously-unknown concept well enough to appreciate its subtlety is actually enjoyable at times! On the other hand, according to those asking me about my future subject plans, the only reason to opt for Economics is because it potentially promises good financial gains in the long run!

Bottom line is, this is an issue I have been honestly confused and, since recently, worried about because even though 'officially' I still have ample time to make any decision, it is rather unnerving watching everyone else around me know what to do with their education. Besides, not knowing just makes me uncomfortable. I don't like not knowing the 'right' answer to such questions!

On a lighter (and thoroughly unrelated!) note, Asad just told me that his harmonium is due very soon; in fact, within the next day or two he thinks. I sure hope so. He's been waiting so enthusiastically that it's beginning to infect me too, I reckon. I can't wait for it to be ready so that he can bring it...to a home where it will really belong!! :)