I've got random songs stuck in my head

I haven’t been blogging regularly for quite a while now; I’ve wanted to on several occasions but there just hasn’t been enough time to sit down and write a post at leisure. Sounds kinda far-fetched, but it’s true. The workload this quarter has just been insane. That’s it. No other word to describe it actually, that’s how horrible it is. Assignments, papers, quizzes, deadlines, mid-terms, readings…one would think there’s a limit to the various types of torture a poor student can be subjected to. Apparently not. And then my over-exuberant nature that has compelled me to venture into the previously relatively unexplored avenues of the “rest of the world” at school has added more to the strain than to the fun. And then, there IS a life away from school (yeah, I still call university school…whatever) unbelievable though it may sound! And that part of life has seen so many little things going on too lately. Some good. And some…well, not-so-good. But, at the end of everything, life’s still going on…

Ramadan’s been sort of passive this time round. I’m not really sure what I even mean when I say that. But the month’s been more mellow than I remember it from before; more quiet somehow. Or maybe that’s just the effect of not having the tv downstairs so there’s no more waking up to the nauseating sounds of Dr Aamir Liaqat at Sehri, or having to listen to him drone on and on in his know-it-all annoying style, with that smirk etched permanently on his face (which I absolutely fail to understand why everyone else can’t see!) that just can’t be wiped off for some absurd reason, and his holier-than-thou attitude which irks the hell out of me and his aura of superiority which apparently people think is the ‘air of a true religious scholar’, while all the time his fakeness and plasticity make him look like a self-satisfied *something* that I’d rather not say in public!…. I swear, sometimes it scares me to think of what our country might come to one day!

But Sehri is still as torturous a business as it’s been over the past few years…digesting anything at that hour is just impossible, no matter what anyone says. But by now, I’ve sort of fallen into the monotonous, mechanical routine of somehow eating at sehri…bite, chew, chew, swallow…bite, chew, chew, swallow, down a gulp of water and start the first step again…repeat until the end of one slice of bread is somehow accomplished, drink another glass of water while ignoring the pleading resistance of your stomach and trudge back upstairs…another sehri somehow survived.

But, to be honest, Ramadan’s going alright; I don’t mind it at all because it hasn’t made much of a difference to anything. Of course, that’s as long as you don’t switch on the tv at the inopportune hours that I’ve already commented upon :)

In a way it’s almost weird that life’s been such a whirlwind recently, and different too because of that and, yet, the same old fears still somehow find ways of surfacing and hurting and making you think, especially when you don’t want to. I mean, like there’s this lame ol’ thing people say that ‘loved ones hurt you must’. They don’t know half of it…everyone thinks it means that the closer someone is to you, the more something they say will hurt you. But what of the hurt that comes from someone you care about not saying something to you? Not in the sense that you want to hear something special from them or anything…nothing of that sort! But just when you know that someone you care about a whole lot is upset and doesn’t talk to you about it? When you know that you’d do anything you could to make them feel better? That hurts so much more than anything anyone ever says or does to you could…to know that you care and not be able to show it because the other person probably doesn’t think of you as friend enough to tell you what’s wrong…what of that helplessness? What to do then?

Sometimes I seriously wonder whether it’s just idiotic to care so much…

*sigh* But anyway, this wasn’t supposed to be a sad post wallowing in self-pity; it wasn’t supposed to be anything in particular, just matter-of-fact maybe.

So…yeah, in other news, I’ve learnt that the one thing I was better than Federer at no longer exists; apparently, I’ve lost my edge. I mean isn’t it enough for him that he’s the world number 1 tennis player on top of the fact that he’s good-looking n’ talented n’ famous n’ breaking records left and right n’ still goin’ strong?! The one liiitttle thing where I surpassed him (or so I thought!) was my writing skills…for some reason, he doesn’t want to grant me that tiny satisfaction either! He just had to write the one-week blog for atp tennis and it just had to be so much more interesting and funny and better-written than mine…hmmphh, I’m jealous! :S hehe. But I do admit that I love him more after his blog ‘cause it was so good…and yeah, it was better than mine, painful admission as that may be! And incase any one wants proof - or if any one is simply a Roger Federer fan, or a big tennis fan otherwise too :) – I’d strongly recommend visiting the blog. http://www.atptennis.com/1/en/blog/current_federer.asp

I just realised that this post has turned out like a long email instead of a blog post…I wonder where I went wrong :S There’s a lot more I could drone on about but writing random stuff from the past few weeks has kinda lost its charm over the past few minutes or so…

I dunno, things have just been crazy lately…people I never expected to have been pretty nice recently, courses I expected to mess up have been going good, ones I was planning to do well in have turned out twisted, relatives who I’m not ready to let go of yet have fallen very sick out of the blue, interviews that have scared the living crap out of me as a rule have turned out well, writing which used to be a life-saver is something I’ve been put off from lately…weirdness and randomness is at an all-time high…

…but to Him up there, it’s all just a big game, ain’t it? ;)