it's an illusion
I swore I'd never save random msn conversations ever again because months later they make me cry or feel disgusted or lost or helpless - all over again. And, yet, I've started doing it again. Not often. Just sometimes. On some random whim, even though I know the cost of it. But maybe, just maybe, one day opening them up will make me smile instead. It's a long shot, but I need justification. Any absurdity to comfort myself for now. Because it's all absurd. It's all bloody absurd. Knowing one thing, wanting another. Wanting one thing and never knowing what to do. Knowing that it's not meant to be, but futilely wanting a miracle. Not believing in miracles, but wanting them nevertheless...
It's an illusion.
Staunch refusal to accept plain, hard facts. Self-imposed denial of reality.
How much longer can it keep on going? Someday the facade must shatter. Someday it will. I know.
But I just want to be a friend. I promise. I promise! Today and forever. But even that is an aura of disbelief. Because for some, I'll never be worth that even.
It makes me want to smile and cry at the same time. Be hysterical and despondent in the same breath.
I wonder how much longer I can fool myself....
It's an illusion.
Staunch refusal to accept plain, hard facts. Self-imposed denial of reality.
How much longer can it keep on going? Someday the facade must shatter. Someday it will. I know.
But I just want to be a friend. I promise. I promise! Today and forever. But even that is an aura of disbelief. Because for some, I'll never be worth that even.
It makes me want to smile and cry at the same time. Be hysterical and despondent in the same breath.
I wonder how much longer I can fool myself....
posted by deranged_lunatic at 1:18 AM
12 Comments:
did u save the convo i think u saved???
the one we were tlking abt tht day????
and u still have to update mee rabiaa
if thts the convo btw...send it to me!!!
I need to knowww....RABIA MALIK HAVE MERCY!!
rokoo..ill mail u!!!
sometimes i feel you and i are living the same life.
to the saving the msn conversations bit.
you know, it always hurts later on, but somehow, we'll never learn. lets just be optimistic and give it another shot, what say?
saving msn conversations! haha i always thought whod want them saved.. but when i installed this latest version it apparetnly asked me itself if i wanted them saved and i clicked yes!... dont really know where theyre saved though! :S but anyhoo, i have no experice on reading up old conversations so ill reserve my judgement!
yaaar....not fair!!!
So glad to know you are a fellow Potter fan. :) And your points on Da Vinci were fair. Actually i too enjoyed the bits on Mona Lisa and The Last Supper, but I guess after that it just went downhill for me, what with all that Teabing, Bezu Fache drama.
All those who 'got it' way before the novel ended just understand how the mental workings of these writers go because they have read gazillions of this trashy stuff. There was no REAL way you could have told that Teabing was it and then in the end it seemed so convuluted he whole getting in and out of the car business. These people have read too much of Agatha Christie where the cardinal rule, the one you suspect the least is the muderer. Just apply that rule of thumb to all such books and VOILA! u r done!
Now if one were to taste real mystery and the beauty of a mind working to solve it, go for Sherlock Holmes.
and these blogwords originate from a Karachi blogger, Jammie. If you want u too can be included in her mailing list (i am not on it either waisay), just catch the word from here and there. So if you wanna join in the fun and get others into it too, plz go ahead.
... and Jammie is at http://jamdesigns.blogspot.com/ (http://www.pkblogs.com/jamdesigns/ ... for those who are in the land of the nearly purified and fully petrified)
yaar i wasnt asking u to send me the convo...as in the whole convo..i meant telling me the partt which we were discussin...which u did!!
loll
and yess saving random convos is smthing ive done...bbut not bhai formatted the whole comp so theyre gone
lol
helleow! in a hurry so will read later, but thot i'd say hello. :)
p.s DO NOT save msn convos. lol. pliss.
thechnaalogy makes relationships impersonal anyway. ;)
That was the precise reason for the post (or one of the reasons) to make some recommendations to those who might not have heard these songs. You can just click on the links on my post and listen to them immediately (if u have a Yahoo ID, if u dont u can get one immediately). Try em out. Just might like something.
And why wouldn't you get the new Dixie Chicks in Pakistan, of course u would. Ask 'Off Beat' or 'Kin'.
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