gulon mein rang bharey baad-e-nau bahaar chaley, chaley bhi aao keh gulshan ka karobar chaley...
The votes have been cast, the result has been announced, the season is over and the SOUL PATROL has officially emerged victorious against the stupid McPheever! Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Taylor Hicks is the new American Idol...woohoo!!! Watching the finale yesterday morning live at 5am was actually fun even though I grew increasingly worried that the one contestant who I hated from the word go would somehow manage to win...I was relieved by the results is definitely an understatement! And the fact that I had a Pakistan Studies final in the evening and I was up till 7am thanks to Idol wasn't worrisome until the moment when I was actually IN the exam room! hehe.
But now, almost two days later, the quarter is over...oh yeahhh! FINALLY! Last exam this morning, last look at lums for the next nine days...three quarters through already and, as clichéd as it sounds, the ride's been pretty quick so far. Time has pretty much flown by, through good and bad. I already feel like I've changed in some ways, some for the better and, of course, some maybe for the worse though I'd rather not admit that. Haha. But I still think the positives are outweighing all the evils at the end of the day, and it's the little things and short moments of sheer fun that make me feel like saying right now that "it's all good folks!"
Okay okay, I'm sounding like some corny greeting card. I realise that without anyone having to roll their eyes in exasperation or amusement. But all I meant was that despite the fact that you might be friendless at times, that you're devoid of hope every now and then...something or the other comes up and, often unconsciously, you just make it through it all unscathed.
I was thinking back over this past quarter. Trying to mark some of its high-lights - university related life that is of course. I spoke up in my Political Science class once off my own accord! Haha...believe it or not, it IS an achievement even if it came in the 29th lecture and I'm still miserably below the CP mean for the course! If I could do it once, then maybe I can do it again - I just need to get used to the concept. And...*drumroll*... I voluntarily went for an interview (model WTO society), and even managed to get selected somehow!!! Okay okay OKAY..it doesn't sound big. Not even remotely interesting but, firstly, it's my blog, I can be boring when I want to and, secondly, for me it's a huge step forward and I want to revel in it for as long as I can. Lame as that sounds.
And then of course surviving three SS courses which my friends said I wouldn't be able to cope with, making a couple of new friends (even socialising is something that I normally suck at!), asking two people for help in multivariate calculus (bearing in mind that these are two of those people who I am most scared of within lums!), entertaining my friends endlessly and free of any cost, going to the Reading Circle meetings and even speaking up when forced to...for some reason all this stuff makes me feel happy in an odd way. Like maybe I can do something with my life...perhaps there is a world beyond futile hopes and self-pity. Maybe, just maybe, it'll all work out fine in the end. All of it. ALL of it...maybe...
But one thing hasn't changed. Not yet at least. Much as I want to block it out of my memory, much as I need to not think of it, much as I should escape from it...the memory of that gray t-shit still strikes me at my most vulnerable. And it always manages to leave me even more insecure and broken than before. And yet, sometimes it still makes me smile. It might be a sad smile, but it is a smile nevertheless. I know, at a purely rational level, that it's all so absurd that I should just stop hoping and wanting, and should just move on with life. But in the battle of the heart and mind, it's easy to know that the latter should dominate but, more often than not, emotion reigns...
...when practicality and reason are words that never existed and never meant anything...when it's just the sanctity of one person you yearn for.
What are you supposed to do then?
But now, almost two days later, the quarter is over...oh yeahhh! FINALLY! Last exam this morning, last look at lums for the next nine days...three quarters through already and, as clichéd as it sounds, the ride's been pretty quick so far. Time has pretty much flown by, through good and bad. I already feel like I've changed in some ways, some for the better and, of course, some maybe for the worse though I'd rather not admit that. Haha. But I still think the positives are outweighing all the evils at the end of the day, and it's the little things and short moments of sheer fun that make me feel like saying right now that "it's all good folks!"
Okay okay, I'm sounding like some corny greeting card. I realise that without anyone having to roll their eyes in exasperation or amusement. But all I meant was that despite the fact that you might be friendless at times, that you're devoid of hope every now and then...something or the other comes up and, often unconsciously, you just make it through it all unscathed.
I was thinking back over this past quarter. Trying to mark some of its high-lights - university related life that is of course. I spoke up in my Political Science class once off my own accord! Haha...believe it or not, it IS an achievement even if it came in the 29th lecture and I'm still miserably below the CP mean for the course! If I could do it once, then maybe I can do it again - I just need to get used to the concept. And...*drumroll*... I voluntarily went for an interview (model WTO society), and even managed to get selected somehow!!! Okay okay OKAY..it doesn't sound big. Not even remotely interesting but, firstly, it's my blog, I can be boring when I want to and, secondly, for me it's a huge step forward and I want to revel in it for as long as I can. Lame as that sounds.
And then of course surviving three SS courses which my friends said I wouldn't be able to cope with, making a couple of new friends (even socialising is something that I normally suck at!), asking two people for help in multivariate calculus (bearing in mind that these are two of those people who I am most scared of within lums!), entertaining my friends endlessly and free of any cost, going to the Reading Circle meetings and even speaking up when forced to...for some reason all this stuff makes me feel happy in an odd way. Like maybe I can do something with my life...perhaps there is a world beyond futile hopes and self-pity. Maybe, just maybe, it'll all work out fine in the end. All of it. ALL of it...maybe...
But one thing hasn't changed. Not yet at least. Much as I want to block it out of my memory, much as I need to not think of it, much as I should escape from it...the memory of that gray t-shit still strikes me at my most vulnerable. And it always manages to leave me even more insecure and broken than before. And yet, sometimes it still makes me smile. It might be a sad smile, but it is a smile nevertheless. I know, at a purely rational level, that it's all so absurd that I should just stop hoping and wanting, and should just move on with life. But in the battle of the heart and mind, it's easy to know that the latter should dominate but, more often than not, emotion reigns...
...when practicality and reason are words that never existed and never meant anything...when it's just the sanctity of one person you yearn for.
What are you supposed to do then?
posted by deranged_lunatic at 12:44 AM
6 Comments:
i cant let go either.
the gray tshirt.
its just so friggin' hard.
Honeybunchhh...another highlighttttt!!!!!
Becoming freind with ahem ahem...
hahahaha
malik msn pey aao! s'more washing of brain and ss it shall be :D
as for hort v. reason: my 80 yr long odyssey tells me that i can tell you some kewl stuff. Yo.
I was glad too that it was Hicks who won. Loved his gray hair mostly (as opposed to the gray shirt...;)
And was glad to see a relatively positive post from u. I have many friends who'd gladly change places with you just for the opportunity for studying at LUMS, and that Reading Circle thing even had me drooling.
wooommannn.....U DIDNT REPLY TO THE HIGHLIGHT???
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